


Won't Say It

by zombified419



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Author thinks she's pretty clever, Disney Songs, Hercules - Freeform, Loki Does Have A Heart, Loki Doesn't Hate Thor, M/M, Modern AU, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 12:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4960540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombified419/pseuds/zombified419
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has emotional issues, to put it lightly, and Thor isn't exactly the bumbling idiot he leads everyone to believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Won't Say It

* * *

Loki stared down at the glass before him, half full of some liquor he didn't care to know the name to. He clasped the rim carefully and brought it to his lips for a long draw. The glass clunked down after, and he signaled to the bar tender for another. The man sauntered over with a towel tossed over his shoulder, eyeing Loki with contemplation.

"You okay, pal?" The man asked. Loki wouldn't have minded so much if it wasn't asked for the _fifth_ time. Instead of flying off the handle as he wanted to, he sighed.

"Yes, fine, _dandy_ even. I will not be driving, there is someone coming to join me," Loki answered. He pushed his glass closer with one finger. "Another, yes?"

The bar tender simply nodded and took Loki's glass. He was back in just a few minutes with fresh ice in the glass and the same brown liquor nearly to the rim. Loki took the glass and decided to sip this round. It helped him to at least identify what it was. Amaretto, something he had only recently found to his taste. In fact, a lot had changed about him recently.

Loki rested his chin in his palm and looked out towards his right. The bar he was in wasn't deserted, but definitely wasn't at the top of the night scene. There was a dance floor with a few partiers and half of the booths were occupied. Otherwise, it was a relatively slow Friday night/Saturday morning, which was exactly what Loki had been hoping for.

He swirled his glass again and took a sip. As much as he would have preferred to be alone, it was a necessary evil. After earlier, he doubted he really _should_ be alone.

The seat to his left moved, pulling Loki's attention. "Can I buy you a drink?" The voice was decidedly too flirtatious to be who he was waiting for, but the alcohol coursing through his blood deterred his usual aloofness.

"No," he said sickly sweet, turning to stare into the eyes of a blond man leaning too close. They were almost yellow, which gave him pause, but he grinned and pressed on: "Absolutely not. In fact, I believe you should scurry back to your friends before they've figured out you hit on a man instead of the woman you believed me to be."

Those yellow eyes blazed and darkened, almost to the exact shade of the person he was attempting to drink to ignore. "What the _fuck - ?"_

"Begone, friend." A hand dropped to the intruder's shoulder, too large and obviously strong. Loki smiled smugly as the other blond looked into the eyes of Loki's adopted brother, Thor. Thor was easily a foot taller and twice as broad. The would-be flirting ended abruptly as the other man quietly excused himself and Thor slid into the seat he had been leaning on.

"Nice of you to join me," Loki drawled, smirking over at the other man.

"I would have been here sooner," Thor began, nodding to the bar tender. "Were it not nearly midnight."

"Alas, but when we were children the roles were reversed," Loki teased. Thor ordered an IPA and smiled at him. "How times have changed."

"Aye, the times for our pub crawls have ended," Thor sighed. He smiled his thanks and drew a sip from his draft. "When you stopped taking care of me, and now - "

_"Thor,"_ Loki said sharply. Thor held up a hand in mock surrender.

"Then what have you called me for, brother?" Thor asked, crossing his arms over the wood of the bar. He looked tired, Loki decided, but not exasperated. It seemed he had not outstayed his welcome just yet with his brother, at least. "Surely not to fend off would-be pursuers?"

Loki looked away for a moment to glance down at his glass. "You remember before, yes?"

"Before what?"

"Before," Loki answered. Thor sighed.

"You vagueness helps me none, Loki," the blond said. He drew another sip and glanced over. "Perhaps, you should start from the beginning?"

Loki didn't meet his gaze, feeling his skin buzz. He became overwhelmed with the need to explain and the want to flee, all in the same. Exactly as he had earlier, but then he really _did_ flee.

"You know of Anthony," he started, to which Thor nodded. He stared at his fingers and willed himself to speak. It was hard to discuss, regardless of whom he was speaking. With Anthony, it was easier to do anything; the man gave him the power and urge to push himself beyond his own walls. Thor had no such power, but Loki owed it to him to explain.

"Anthony, he...he requests things of me that I cannot give," Loki said softly. He pressed his fingertips together until they trembled from the pressure and turned paler.

"What things?" Thor asked. Loki continued to focus on his fingers to not look at his brother.

"Things," Loki emphasized without help. Thor quirked an eyebrow and sighed. "Things I cannot _\- will not -_ allow."

"Since you will not _share,"_ Thor answered, turning fully towards Loki. "I will be taking some advantages - you have been together for years now, yes?"

"Yes," Loki mumbled.

"You live together," Thor continued. "Happily?" Loki hesitated, but shook his head. "What happened?"

"He wants things I cannot give," Loki said again. "If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I have already won that."

"How do you mean?" Thor asked. Loki looked up from his fingers to Thor.

"Ever since _then - "_ With the emphasis, Loki knew Thor would understand. He was there for it, the very first time Loki had told their parents he was seeing another man - Odin had been less than pleased and not only kicked Loki out, but was also kind enough to inform him of his adoption. Loki had believed he knew what it meant to care for others and be cared for, but that was the mind of naïvety and things change with age and action. "Before, I would have thought I could reciprocate, but now - "

"You can," Thor said, smiling slightly. "What is this, then? Here, now, between us?" His brother gestured for good measure, making Loki frown. "Obviously you do, or we wouldn't still be speaking."

Loki rolled his eyes and looked back to his hands. "Hardly, Thor."

"Oh please," Thor scoffed. "I don't believe it. I can see right through you."

"No," Loki snapped. "No chance, no _way."_

"I can," Thor challenged. "And you know I'm _right._ He's the earth and heaven to you; you try to keep it hidden - "

"It's too cliché," Loki dismissed. "I learned my lesson for honesty - it's good when you start out, but then - "

"That's not the case here," Thor soothed. He wrapped his arm around Loki's shoulders. "I can tell. Even Jane mentioned it after the two of you left last week."

Loki pressed his lips together - he should have known that having Jane and Anthony meet was a terrible idea. She was far more perceptive than Thor; perhaps he should have called her instead of him. But, no, his entire purpose would be defeated. He had no will, no inclination to say it. Thor was safe; he had no power to _make_ him.

Loki sighed and stared down into his glass. "I cannot allow it in again, Thor."

"Have you ever thought for a moment that this could be different?" Thor pressed. Loki refused to look over. "I can tell, Loki. Jane can see it, and I imagine that Tony can, too."

Loki pushed Thor's arm from his shoulders. "I will _not."_

"You can't deny it, brother," Thor continued. "You can fool the best, but not I. Nor others, not for this matter."

Loki glared and frowned. "Dare I ask?"

"Certainly!" Thor chirped. It was then that Loki realized he made a mistake calling Thor - that fool was enjoying himself at his expense. "It is writ clear across your face, brother. Apparent to all, any who sees the two of you together. It is so _obvious_ that you lo - "

_"No,"_ Loki hissed. "Be silent."

"What for?" Thor asked. "It is time that you give up on trying to hide it."

"You're wrong."

"You've got it bad, brother," Thor continued, taking a sip of his draft. "It is not I who is wrong, but _you_ who is fighting a losing battle."

Loki clenched his glass and took a slow, deep breath. "I will not _lose._ You are _wrong."_

Thor sighed and turned fully toward Loki. "Give up. It's apparent to everyone but you."

"You are _way_ off base," Loki said with a slight chuckle. The way Thor frowned meant that it sounded as forced to him as it did Loki. "I won't say it."

"Give _up,_ brother! You are as stubborn as they come, but to what avail?" Thor asked. "Have you stopped to think, for just a _moment?"_

"Get off my case!" Loki snapped, the alcohol suddenly making his aggression raise. "I will _not_ say it, and there is no amount of begging from you that will change that!"

Thor's expression turned remorseful, sending a wave of guilt through Loki. "Loki, do not let your pride be your undoing. What has brought you here this night? Tell me."

Loki stared down at his fingers again. "Anthony."

"Yes, but _what?"_ Thor coaxed.

"He said it," Loki murmured. "He said it to me and I could not answer him." The look of hurt on Anthony's face, in his honey eyes had been too much. Loki was sure he lost him. He was undeserving of a man so wonderful, so caring and kind and intelligent and everything Loki could or would ever want; so undeserving that when it came down to the basics, the building of an even more powerful connection, he was the roadblock. Not perfect Anthony, but damned Loki.

Loki could do anything and everything for the man but, it seemed, express his feelings. Feelings Loki wasn't even sure he could harbour after his disastrous childhood. He was broken in many ways and burned in more - he wasn't even sure Anthony could fix it.

"Ah," Thor said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back. "So you left."

"Yes," Loki muttered. The less of the amaretto in the glass, the lighter the liquid became. He felt like he was staring into the swirl of Anthony's irises, the deepest and richest shade of honey. Loki loved it. "I fled."

"Perhaps," Thor began, drumming his fingers on the bar. "And listen before speaking, dear brother - perhaps, if you were to just explain yourself - "

"Explain _what?"_ Loki sighed. He swirled his glass more and felt his buzz drifting away. The topic was sobering him, and with that sobering came the hollowness of his chest. "Explain that there is no possible way that I can reciprocate? That he would be better with another, one more capable of the feelings he needs?"

"No," Thor said curtly. Loki glanced over at his brother and quirked an eyebrow. "You can, and you _do._ Denial is the first sign of acknowledgement, which means that it is _there,_ you just have not embraced it." Thor smiled slightly. "You just need to lose some pride and be honest with yourself."

Thor was older, if by only a few months. All through their childhood, he had come to Loki for council and guidance, for help in his studies or with things only brothers could discuss. Rarely did Thor act his age, but right then Loki had to begrudge his skills. When Thor did, he was all the brother Loki could ever want. Loki sighed, knowing Thor was right. It was hard to admit when the tables flipped so very scarcely.

"You know I'm right," Thor voiced. Loki sighed again.

"You will not relent," Loki answered.

"No," Thor said. He nudged their shoulders together with a smile. "Not until you admit to yourself that you can, and, more importantly, that I am _right."_

Loki chuckled slightly. "It will be a long winter before that happens."

Thor laughed with him. "Aye, but I can try."

Loki smiled softly and stared back down at his glass. "Perhaps, in this chance, you _are_ correct." He paused and swirled the remnants of the glass. "But do I have to admit it aloud?"

"In time you will," Thor answered. "I was terrified to tell Jane how much I cared for her."

"I imagine she did not _run,"_ Loki drawled. Thor chuckled again.

"No, but I thought she would," Thor answered. "She just smiled. It was perfect."

Loki smiled for his brother, his tone soft. He _wanted_ that feeling of weightlessness and utter adoration. There was just so much of him that fought it, and yet...

"At least, out loud," Loki contested, bringing his glass to his lips for the last sip. "I won't say I'm in love."

"I'm alright with that."

The rate at which Loki fumbled his glass was astounding - ice and amaretto sloshed out of the rocks glass as he struggled to right it, slathering the better portion of the bar top and his shirt. Loki wiped his mouth quickly and spun around in the bar stool.

Behind him stood Anthony, still dressed as Loki had left him - Loki's favourite red dress shirt and charcoal suit - from their dinner. Loki had at least shed his blazer before he fled Stark Tower. His eyes were red rimed and wide and slightly guarded, a look Loki hadn't seen in a very long time. Regardless of how much it hurt, Loki couldn't blame him.

"Anthony?" He finally managed. "When did you - ?"

"Just now," he answered. His voice was gravely, and Loki didn't want to think about what that meant. "Thor called me after you called him."

Loki glared at his brother, who did a very good job of ignoring it while chugging his draft. "Did he, now?"

"I'm glad he did," Anthony said, shifting his weight. He cleared his throat and attempted to relax his expression. "I was just staring out of a window, thinking you left me."

"No!" Loki immediately corrected. Anthony's expression shifted to confusion. "No, I... _no."_

"Then what happened, Loki?" Anthony asked. He hurriedly stepped closer, his eyes pleading. He started to reach out, but seemed to think better of it and shoved his hands into his pockets instead.

"I'll be off," Thor said suddenly. He nodded to Anthony as he turned, not sparing Loki another glance. Without Thor there, Loki felt his tongue begin to loosen.

"Anthony, I..." He started, looking back from his brother's back to the love he had no way of telling. Loki hesitated, no words coming to him.

"I can take it back," Anthony muttered. Fresh pain leaked into his eyes as he spoke, his voice thickening. "I can take it all back. Just, _please,_ can we go back to before? Forget I said anything; if it means I've lost you, then _forget_ it - "

Loki shook his head and grabbed Anthony's arms, ignoring the way the other flinched. "No, no. _I_ am the foolish one, Anthony, I..." Even now, staring directly into Anthony's face and seeing all the pain he caused, Loki still couldn't say it. His tongue turned to lead and his heart stuttered. He had to say _something._

"Loki?" Anthony asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He was pleading, the offer to forget and move on still lingering. Loki longed to take it, the easy and blissfully ignorant route, but another look into those expressive eyes and Loki crumbled.

"I refuse to go back to before," Loki began, his voice shaking. "I...cannot express fully what I want to say, because I do not believe myself capable. Or rather, I _did not_ believe it." He paused and licked his lips, his throat dry. "Thor has shown me what I have been blind to, and now, seeing you in this state that I have caused because of my stubbornness, I can say that I..."

Loki moved his hands from Anthony's arms to slide up to frame his face, taking in the raw emotion playing in those expressive eyes. Now or never. He pulled Anthony the last distance between them and pressed their foreheads together.

"I can say that I love you, too."

Time slowed in that moment. Loki knew, while his heart raced and his voice and hands trembled, he knew how terrified Anthony must have felt in reverse, and how poetic it would be if he served Loki the same fate he had.

Instead, Anthony drew a ragged breath and wrapped his arms around Loki's shoulders to pull them together. Loki relented and pressed his face against Anthony's neck, inhaling deep his favourite scent in all of his life. As he moved a hand to Anthony's hair, the genius sighed.

"I love you, Loki," he whispered, tightening his grip. "I thought I'd - "

"I am sorry, Anthony," Loki answered. "I love you, too."

Loki felt Anthony's smile press against his neck and held him just a little tighter. He sighed and felt a relief wash over him. Thanks to the needed guidance he had received from Thor, Loki could now relax.

Speaking of, Thor hadn't left the bar just yet. Loki saw him smiling like an idiot at he and Anthony, lingering near the door. Once he realized he was caught, he gave two thumbs up and grinned wider. Loki held up his own thumbs up before waving him off. Thor nodded and left, making Loki muse that his brother wasn't the fool he played everyone to believe he was.

Thor had, after all, orchestrated the entire meeting quite well, and even coerced Loki into admitting aloud something he himself didn't believe in.

Loki had taught him well.

He even left the bill behind, too.

Sneaky bastard.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed! Just in case you missed it, my choice was 'I Won't Day I'm In Love' from Hercules! One of my personal favs. :) If you enjoyed, let me know in that little box. Also, don't forget to shoot over and read Shi-Toyu's version of this prompt as well!!


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